I’ve been married twice. You can chalk the first one up to your typical “I’m pregnant so we might as well get married” schtick, and obviously, it didn’t end well. It barely lasted a year. And this one? This one isn’t perfect either. But I’d pay good money if you can show me a marriage that is. There is a difference though. This time around, I’m smarter. And I got married because I wanted to be with him forever, not because we ‘should’.
Have you ever wonder why it seems like, in past generations, marriage as a whole was so much more successful than it is now? I saw this on Facebook, and it really made me think:
Is it really that simple though? Can you really just keep fixing it when it breaks? I guess the answer would be: how much of a choice do you have if you love that person? The first thing that came to mind for me was a car. With the right maintenance, you can keep a car around forever. But what happens when the engine blows, and the cost to repair it is more than the value of the car itself? You can either send it to the junkyard, or, you can do what it takes to repair it and know that after that, it will be reliable again. And just like with cars, it seems that in relationships, things are either running smoothly or there are a bunch of problems all at once. But… when you gotta have it, you make it work, right?
I think that the other problem couples commonly have is a misplacement of ideals, and the idea that things will always be the same as when you met. There aren’t very many couples out there that, after years of being together, still have the same lust for each other. And it’s hard to find new and exciting things to sweep each other off your feet when it seems like you’ve already done everything. And having kids certainly changes things. Not only are you maintaining your marriage, but you have children to focus on. And, let’s face it… with kids around the house, it’s not like you can just mail each other on the couch when you get the urge. And even if the kids are in bed, it doesn’t mean your safe. Kids seem to have a radar for that, and never fail to get out of bed at the perfect time. My point is this: It’s okay to not feel fireworks every time you kiss. It’s possible to have a romantic dinner with the kids there. It’s okay to not have sex six times a week like you did when you met. Just because it’s not the same as it was, doesn’t mean it’s broken. It just means it’s changed. And it’s up to you to roll with the punches and make the best of it… not to sit back and wonder why things aren’t the way they used to be.
I guess, at the end of the day, all it truly takes to make a marriage work is commitment. And generally, to be committed enough to take on a project as big as marriage, you’d really better love the other person. Things are going to change, and you either have to find a way to fix it, or deal with it. Because just like a car, a marriage isn’t going to maintain itself.